The Worst: #3

Terribletim: "Nitrous"
Rock Category



Please, please, please tell me this is a joke. I can't even get halfway through this video, it's so bad. At least this guy has guaranteed himself lots of hits with the tags he's used...


Xelya: "Legend of the Future"
Pop Category



Three ways you know your music video is going to bomb:
1. 80% of the time, having a story intro to your video basically sends it into the fiery chasm of music video hell.
2. 90% of the time, having a science fiction theme is subjecting your video to endless ridicule.
3. 100% of the time, using a techno song sung by a woman with the voice of a man will make people want to plug their ears in horror.


B.YONEST: "B.YONEST Promo Video"
Urban Category



Once again, I have no problems with the music here. B.YONEST seems like a talented rapper. The problem with this video, though, is that he isn't rapping in it. He's just talking about how good he is. One tip: shut the hell up and show us what you've got.

The Greats: #3

Emocapella: "Cute Without The E"
Rock Category



This is the only way that emo will ever be amusing, interesting, or good.


SHHH: "Fools In Love"
Pop Category



A sort of lo-fi, dreamy pop song put to old school video footage that is very well timed. Not necessarily a perfect video, but certainly a pleasant one.


P-Jo: "JUGGO"
Urban Category



The urban category has been a source of trouble for yours truly. Most of the videos are incredibly similar themes set to incredibly similar slick rap. But when this category delivers, it delivers big. Last time we got to witness Keyzer Sozay's amazing New Mexico freestyle. This week, a white boy spits rhymes about a golf clothing brand. It's rap... for yuppies. Ten bucks am I right says this guy is from Connecticut.

second batch of the worst.

Rupert Chappelle: "Never Occurred"
Rock Category



Have you ever watched public access channels late at night? It's usually just one person dancing around--sometimes with clothing, sometimes without--behind a bunch of special effects, talking about themselves. That's exactly what this video reminds me of.


Toby Madigan: "I Need Somebody (I Can Talk To)"
Pop Category



[sarcasm] Wow, a brooding, dark & long haired man, walking around, playing his acoustic guitar and singing about how lonely he is. How unique! [/sarcasm]


Gotti Boy Chris: "Cut It Up"
Urban Category



This video has lots of big breasted & big booty women shaking it for the camera contrasted with men doing absurd dance moves. Oh wait, I just described 90% of rap videos. Shit.

second installment of the greats.

Docweaselband: "Sweet Dose of Murder"
Rock Cateogry



While docweaselband might be the worst band name ever, their video & music is quite the contrary. Unfortunately the sound quality of their garage rocky track isn't that great, but the video more than makes up for it. Patti Smith + a chorus of cherubs = recipe for brilliance ??


Old American: "Everybody and Everybody"
Pop Category



Song-wise, this reminds me a lot of Bright Eyes with a slightly less irritating voice. While I think it's ridiculously stupid when people have lyrics in their music videos, the cat in this is adorable, which is more than enough to make it worth posting.


Kyzer Sozay: "Kyzer Sozay Alley Freestyle"
Urban Category



This rapper's name was enough to make me want to watch this video, as Usual Suspects is one of my all-time favorite movies. It's a bit of an anomaly as far as rap videos goes, which is a welcome change. But, really, this video is here because I have no option but to give mad props to anyone who can use phrases like "erectile dysfunction" and "muscular dystrophy" in a freestyle.

worst of the first.

Vishhaal: "What Will You Do"
Pop Category

If you enjoy soap operas and Lifetime movies, you may not see anything wrong with this video. However, for those of us who find such things unbearably cheesy, this video is a case-in-point. The exaggerated facial expressions, the bloody hands, the attractive blond woman in the background, the love-making scenes (yes, love-making scenes)... it's just too much.

Deeptrip: "My Son"
Rock Category

Unlike the above video, which is a bad video that's still an amusing watch, this video has virtually no redeeming qualities. The creative concept is simply live footage faded into assorted pictures of the band. It's the kind of thing that someone with a Mac and a video-making program could whip together in an hour, tops. Music-wise, it sounds like what you would get if the Charlie Daniels Band (of "Devil Went Down To Georgia" fame) decided to start mimicking bands like Staind. If you try to listen to just the string instruments, you can almost make it through the whole video.


B-Boy Jay-Roc: "Str8 To The Top"
Urban Category



This video really isn't so bad. The music isn't so bad, either. If you like slick-produced rap artists, then this is probably right up your alley. This video is in the "worst" category on a strictly hypocritical level. Within the first few minutes, B-Boy Jay-Roc (or at least I'm assuming it's B-Boy Jay-Roc, but there's tons of people in the video) spits the line: "I don't want a damn thing from this industry." Quite the odd thing to say in a video that has been submitted for a contest where the prize is a record deal, no?

first batch of the best.

Aloud: "Beaches"
Rock Category

Aloud plays catchy garage rock, in the vein of bands like the Strokes & the Killers. It's not particularly unique or revelatory, but "Beaches" will absolutely have you tapping your feet. The video is mostly performance footage, but the scene where they play in the room with the strobe light is a really cool effect. I don't know if anyone has ever done that before, but I don't think I've seen it in any other video...

Vincent Parker: "Flowers"
Pop Category

File this video under so bad it's good. In what seems like a real-life rendition of a video game, this video is filled with ridiculous costumes and computer effects. I have a feeling, though, that this was created with a sense of humor as opposed to complete seriousness, which makes it a lot of fun to watch. The song is a sort of soul-funk club jam that makes me want to get up and shake it.

Electra: "Deep Six"
Urban Category

"Deep Six" gets a nod for being the video most suited to the song. The creepy, stalkerish video is perfect for the eerie vibe of the song. Think "Unsolved Mysteries" stalkerish, not Clay Aiken "Invisible" stalkerish.

and we begin...

Okay, so there are a lot of online contests and music contests popping up out there, but I found a online video-based music competition at MusicNation.com where bands can upload music videos for the chance to win a record deal. The best (and worst) part of it though, is that everyone can watch the videos, which means there are tons of potentially awesome and awful music videos for my viewing pleasure. There are definitely some talented submissions (and definitely some NOT so talented) on the site, but either way it's worth checking out for pure entertainment value. It's hard to tell how big the contest is going to be, but there seem to be hundreds already – at least the music videos should be amusing to watch – and I get to play Simon/Randy/Paula all by myself! Onto the judging…